If Moms Ruled the Airwaves...

Okay, so some moms are Sharon Osborne and some are June Cleaver. Still, you have to think TV might be more worth watching if there were more moms at the helm. Better language, better plots, a lot fewer interruptions, and a lot less wasted time.

Let me introduce you to my friend Leslie Owens, who wants to claim her 15 minutes (well, she'd prefer 13 weeks!) of fame. Leslie took advantage of a recent opportunity offered by Oprah to plead her case for hosting a talk show on Oprah's forthcoming new TV network. She sent in an audition tape describing why Oprah should give her a show and is now hoping she'll get that chance.

Leslie lives in Greenville, SC, is married to one of the world's truly great men, and has one of the world's cutest little boys. She's pretty, perky, smart, funny, knows what it's like to balance family and work, is kind to her fellow man, and wants to make the world a better place for her child. Now, really, what more could you WANT in a talk show host?! I'm thinking she could take on Jon Stewart, Bill O'Reilly, and Jay Leno and never break a sweat.

In Leslie's words, however, she's "about five million votes behind," with less than a week of voting to go. I don't think I know five million people but, hey, with a little loaves-and-fishes magic, anything can happen, so I thought if I told you about Leslie, you might be willing to vote for this All American Mom and ask your friends to vote for her, too, because, gee, wouldn't it be nice to have at least ONE hour a day when you don't have to worry if the TV's on while your kids--or YOUR mom!--are in the room?

I asked Leslie to share some of the ideas she has for her show:

Why do you think you'd be successful as a TV talk show hostess?
Because I am passionate about creating a better world for my son and I know every other mom feels the same way about their child. Can you believe there is not already a show for us? Plus I can ‘get my blab on’ with anyone and have a great time in front of the camera. I want to create a show that is educational and interesting and gives every mom a much needed break and a treat just for her--so she can say, “Everyone leave Mommy alone for a little while; I'm going to watch my show!”

Who would you have as your first guest if Oprah's new network gives you your own talk show? Sandra Bullock - she is a new single mom with lots of challenges.

Your video references going into moms' homes to help out with "honey don't" lists. What kinds of tasks do you envision doing?
Organizing areas for book bags, coats, bikes, toys, play rooms, etc.
Cleaning up the garage, backyard or spare room for a safe play area.
Changing fixtures, curtains, bedding, or painting mom's bed/bathroom to help make her space special!

Taking a deserving mom out for a new outfit and arranging a night out on the town for her.

What other regular "features" do you think you might have on your show? I have a million show ideas because, as a mom, you need help with pregnancy, toddlers, teenagers, and it goes on and on. More importantly, my show is about finding out what other moms need help with right now!

I would like to work with the National Center for Missing & Exploited children and feature a missing child on every show. I would also like to have moms send in nanny-cam videos showcasing exceptional and inexcusable child care provider behavior.

Name six people you'd love to interview on your show.
Michele Obama
Jenny McCarthy
Brooke Shields
Katie Holmes
Beth Holloway
Casey Anthony

The moms of the show "Modern Family:"
Sofia Vergara – Gloria
Julie Bowen – Claire
Jesse Tyler Fergusan – Mitchell
Eric Stonestreet - Cam

Here's Leslie's audition tape. Click on the green "VOTE" button to help her out. And if you'd like to throw your hat in the ring to "get your blab on," as Leslie so colorfully puts it, there's information to the right of Leslie's video with details about upcoming casting calls and how to send in an audition tape.

Here's to moms making the world--or, at least, the airwaves!--a better place!

I'll Take a Vowel for Global Domination!

I was listening to Kai Ryssdal on the radio yesterday...not your normal, everyday name...and started pondering the preponderance of one-syllable names among those in prominent positions. It would seem that lopping off a few letters is a great way to thrust one's self to the head of the crowd. Fourteen of our U.S. presidents have been one-syllable guys--with six Jameses, three Johns, and three Georges claiming the bulk of that territory. Sixteen others had monikers with a diminutive option, such as Abe, Bill, Ben, etc. Amazing.

So what's the appeal of a one-syllable name? Does that short, sharp bark represent quick thinking? Immediate action? Do we need an easy out for those whose names roll constantly off our tongues? Does short on syllables mean long on dependability? Romance novel protaganists invariably have short names: Luke, Lance, Chase, Chad, Blaine, Brock, etc. Are one-syllable suitors sexier?

I read that, historically, parents have given their sons one syllable names because that was indeed believed to be a precursor to power and success. Daughters, on the other hand, were given voluptuous, multi-syllabic names because they sound more feminine and flowing. Apparently, we're still following that tradition,because, aside from Cher (who began life as Cherilyn), two- and three-syllable names are the norm for gals in both the entertainment and political spotlight. Of course, Oprah has "O" Magazine; I'm wondering...will she have to fight for her vowel once Obama takes up residence on Pennsylvania Avenue and needs a power-packing, headline-grabbing single syllable name? We'll see.

Random Rants

• As discussed in depth in my last post, I love Christmas music. And I think it's nifty that Baby Jesus gets so much air time during the month of December. But could some program director, somewhere, PUH-LEEZE!, explain why, when every recording artist who's ever held a microphone has recorded a Christmas album, radio stations play the same twenty songs over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over? One of the two Greenville stations playing 24/7 Christmas gets points for adding "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" this year, but I'm still waiting for the Andrews Sisters' "Angie the Christmas Tree Angel," "Pretty Little Dolly" by Mona Abboud, Harvey Danger's "Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas," or Barenaked Ladies " Elf's Lament." Come on, deejays; how many times can we listen to Amy Grant sing "Sleigh Ride"and stay sane??!!
• So Oprah weighs 200 pounds. WHO CARES?! Is she still smart? Yes. Still beautiful? Yes. Still generous, and funny, and a great role model? Yes. NONE of those qualities is even remotely related to weight and to denigrate her because she's not a size 10 is demeaning to women everywhere. I don't like Oprah's taste in books and I liked her better when she wasn't a gazillionaire, but she's an amazing woman and a stunning example of overcoming adversity. To measure her worth by her girth is prejudice at its ugliest.
  
  
• WHAT IN THE WORLD WILL WE DO WITHOUT ALAN AND DENNY? The only show I have watched on television for the past three years is "Boston Legal." It wasn't for the meek or the innocent, to be sure, but the razor-sharp dialogue, in-your-face challenges to bad behavior by pharmaceutical companies, credit card companies, and others who prey on the vulnerable, beautiful friendship between two male, wholly heterosexual (to a fault!) friends, and sheer outrageousness of Denny Crain's take-no-prisoners approach to life made this show a joy to watch. I respect the needs of those involved to move on, but I mourn...oh, how I mourn...the demise of Crain, Poole, and Schmidt. Amid the brainless blather on television these days, Shirley and her boys were a fresh breath of brilliance.



• Are there people really dumb enough to waste time opening e-mails dated 12/20/38???? Is postdating an e-mail by thirty years actually an effective marketing ploy for spammers? Perhaps it preys on the all-too-often-proven theory that people don't read, which is apparently how ice cream and sugar manufacturers decided they could weasel a pound out of their product without anyone noticing. (Note to manufacturers: we noticed.) All I know is, if you've put something in my mailbox that could only have been sent by the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, I have one word for you: DELETE!!

Well, gee, it feels good to get all that off my chest. But I can't stand to leave things on a negative note right here on the fringe of the first noel. So here's a list of good things to think about this week as we make our way toward Christmas Day. Write and tell me your favorite holiday things!

• Reading (or sending) a Christmas card and thinking about how much that person means to you
• Sitting by a fire, sipping hot cider and watching snow fall
• Singing carols, in harmony, on the front lawn of someone who doesn't expect it
• Having a houseful of guests you adore but don't get to be with very often
• Having the day off and getting to stay in your jammies all morning
• Walking through a mall or down a busy downtown street not to shop, but just to enjoy the sights and sounds
• Watching a children's Nativity pageant--the bathrobes and "Psst! Hi, Mom!" kind
• Sitting in the glow of the Christmas tree lights after everyone has gone to bed
• Seeing families on front lawns Christmas afternoon, testing out new bikes and skates and riding toys
• Playing pick-up football after Christmas dinner

Aren't you in a great mood now? :-)