Thursday, December 17, 2009

Dear Santa:

This year, for Christmas, I would like:

  • the partners to all the socks that have mysteriously vanished this year.
  • the dogs to come when I call instead of looking over their shoulder with a look that says, "Mmm...I don't think so."
  • a self-cleaning toilet.
  • hair that looks like the shampoo bottle promises I will have after using it.
  • confirmation that I will get to spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with all three of my children.
  • my friend who has cancer not to have it.
  • just one night as a back-up singer with somebody on a stage somewhere.
  • Hallmark to call and say, "We want to turn your book into a movie!"
  • teal blue carpet in my living room. (You may have to bribe the rest of my family.)
  • new and improved fingernails. Not fake ones. I want the real thing.
  • to feel refreshed and renewed after a night's sleep. Please????
  • three or four more hours in every day; at this rate, I am never going to catch up.
  • the pine trees behind my house removed so I can see the Blue Ridge mountains from my kitchen window
  • 20/20 vision, because I'm too chicken for Lasik and tired of contacts
  • Boston Legal, Northern Exposure, and X-Files back in active production
  • a full-time gardener, or even a once-a-week gardener. Heck, I'd be grateful for a once-every-six-months gardener. You choose.
  • my favorite makeup products to be around when I run out and want to buy more. Do I pick weird things or is this an evil plot to make women crazy?
  • my mama and daddy back. Being an orphan stinks, even when you're a grown-up.
  • a white fur muff like the one I had when I was five.
  • a red dress with embroidered white snowflakes like the one I had when I was five. (Five was a very good year.)
  • to swim with dolphins. But then there's that whole bathing suit thing...sigh...never mind.
  • to go dogsledding. I can do parkas and boots, no, mush!
  • a Your Daily Poem convention so I can meet all the incredible poets I've gotten to work with this year.
  • Internet service that never goes down.
  • Mars Bars to go back into production. The real, American, original version.
  • Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Rogers back on TV.
  • a donkey. Maybe a giraffe. No, a meerkat! Definitely a meerkat. And you can have my hateful llama as a trade-in.

I think that'll do it, Santa. Of course, you know I'll still believe even if there's nothing under the tree but socks and underwear but, hey, a girl can dream.